Alone

Today's sparring with Mark and Munir leaves an eyes opening experience. Munir espeacially hit me so fucking hard and for a second it does made me think twice to fight. I've learn that jab is the most important punch in a fight and never let your hand down. After the session, me and Poyo are far more enlightened and would apply it in our training session.

I sent her a message last night. I need an answer. I'm looking for a closure I guess. This episodes needs an ending. The message was quiet explicit, asking her to tell me whether I should wait or move on with my life. I'm expecting a negatory, telling me to move on, but who knows she might say "Oooohh baby, I love you too, I'm gonna dump him right this moment and be with you..." Yes, I know that seems highly unlikely to happen. The only thing that I can't accept is silence. She didn't say yes or no... Its just pure dead silence. What should I do then? Why she's giving the silence. A simple NO would have made my day, so that I could move on and get over the fact that this shit is not going to happen.

We fight all the time literally or figuratively. How much fight left in us depends on how much we are carrying that are worth fighting for. Me, I don't have much to fight for. People that I love are mostly dead, those who are alive I push away. Why? I don't know. Maybe its easier to be alone, but alone does not necessarily being lonely. Most of my best time I enjoy it alone, being alone.

In time I've realise that I'm building a wall around me, those who was then close are getting further. I'm being constantly unreachable, and harder to understand. I want to keep it that way, stranger in the world came and left without notice, or perhaps I'm waiting... Waiting to be taken and save...