Same Old Shit

Finally is all over. I am the newly IKF certified kickboxing personal trainer. The grading was done today, a day earlier from what is schedule. Now, I can get my mind off it and focus on training myself to fight in and amateur boxing bout. I start running off the tredmill, because it is shit bored to run in it for 30 to 50 minutes, now I'm running on a real ground, it is much more tiring but bearable and the most important of all it is not boring.

Having say the word boring twice, it is evidential how boredom scare the shit out of me. I can't stand being bored, I must do something which is not boring, however, ironically it doesn't mean not doing anything is boring. I could sit the whole day lying in front of the tele, or the net, even watching 'her' picture for days and not feeling bored. Human is a funny creature. We are on comedy 24/7, and we always do funny stuff, and the stuff that we do is REALLY funny, but too bad most of us have awfully terrible sense of humor.

As I was looking my future in boxing, it is exactly how I was when I did bodybuilding. Full of doubt, scepticism, and fear. I'm afraid that I will fail. I hate failure, I hate too loose. Again, I am afterall the Famous God of War. It is my nature that I have to excel and be the champion on the things that I like or have interest in, yet that is always not the case.

Still, I am thinking of her, I wish the shirt which I wore on the November 5th still bear her scent. It was the glorious day of my life, somehow I could still smell her, feel her present in the house, the softness of her skin touching mine, the gentle and subtle mourn when we become one and the glimpse of her when she walk out from the house. It's all there, and it is all still fresh, yet she is not mine and I do not acquire her. In all honesty, I would want to kick myself very hard in the ass for each time she is mention. If I could escape myself from myself, I would say to myself "get the fuck over over it you boneless chimp, she's not going to be with you period. She already have a boyfriend, soon to be engage to him, and having sex almost every night, while you here staring at your own dick. Wake up bitch!!!"